Letting go of the demons

Why do I drink?  A habit out of control.  I need to let go of the past and focus on the future.  This week a relative of mine died, not unexpectedly, but there is a lot of sadness in the family.  This,  plus events from the distant past resurfacing have meant instead of burying things I'm having to deal with a lot of hidden feelings.  And to be honest I drank because I wanted to know what would happen, despite all advice.  Sometimes toddlers touch the hot thing they're not supposed to, just to find out for themselves.
 I feel bad having to write that, but I feel like I'm finally ready to let go of a lot of stuff rather than suppress it, and that includes alcohol.  I am beginning to like myself a bit more.  The day after I drank I was tetchy at work, but I realised it was not from the day after physical effects, but I felt like my brain was working differently.  It was the me that my husband complains about, the angry, short-fused one.  I thought I was like that because of the stress of a hectic life,  but now I can see it was alcohol.
This is very freeing, because I'm not that horrible person, I can be who I want to be, but that means letting go of stuff, just like clearing out clutter.  God I sound like a cliched nutcase.  I thought stopping drinking would be hard, and it is, but in a different way than I thought.  Now I see why yoga helps a lot of people, and now I can see benefits to me from my blog.  It belongs to my new world, a supportive world and I would never have been heading out of darkness without reading all the inspirational blogs out there, so thank you.