Being kind to myself

Took yesterday off Mum duty to take stock and re-evaluate.  Looked at my list of successes and thought what else to add to my tool box. Despite the blip I'm feeling positive.

Letting go of the demons

Why do I drink?  A habit out of control.  I need to let go of the past and focus on the future.  This week a relative of mine died, not unexpectedly, but there is a lot of sadness in the family.  This,  plus events from the distant past resurfacing have meant instead of burying things I'm having to deal with a lot of hidden feelings.  And to be honest I drank because I wanted to know what would happen, despite all advice.  Sometimes toddlers touch the hot thing they're not supposed to, just to find out for themselves.
 I feel bad having to write that, but I feel like I'm finally ready to let go of a lot of stuff rather than suppress it, and that includes alcohol.  I am beginning to like myself a bit more.  The day after I drank I was tetchy at work, but I realised it was not from the day after physical effects, but I felt like my brain was working differently.  It was the me that my husband complains about, the angry, short-fused one.  I thought I was like that because of the stress of a hectic life,  but now I can see it was alcohol.
This is very freeing, because I'm not that horrible person, I can be who I want to be, but that means letting go of stuff, just like clearing out clutter.  God I sound like a cliched nutcase.  I thought stopping drinking would be hard, and it is, but in a different way than I thought.  Now I see why yoga helps a lot of people, and now I can see benefits to me from my blog.  It belongs to my new world, a supportive world and I would never have been heading out of darkness without reading all the inspirational blogs out there, so thank you.

The positives

List of things achieved in the last month
Not being hungover
Getting more done
Less feeling of letting the family down by not being on good form
Going to the theatre without drinks being the main event and wondering if you've got time to fit them in,and worrying how will you cope with the journey home.
Face looks calmer and less stressed.
Body feels calmer and less stressed.
Internally calmer at work.
Beginning to get ahead with boring stuff.
Family happier or is that just my percetion?  Oh well, I'll take it.
Regular pilates
Waking up thinking you're hung over and then finding out you're not.
EARLY mornings! I love them!

Goals for February
Keeping going
More aerobic exercise
Not going to bed early every night as it's the easiest thing to do..
Finding a way to enjoy Friday evening without alcohol.  I love Friday evening, but haven't cracked something that beats that cold glass of wine after a hectic day.  Tried all the usuals but my brain is not convinced yet!